Sex exists in every culture and community. We know this, quite frankly, because every culture and community needs it to survive; no sex, no children. President Putin of Russia knows this well. As the population is rapidly decreasing, he is doing all he can to create an atmosphere of romance, including hiring a ‘Boyz II Men’ to play a romantic concert (source). That said, every culture and community speaks of, thinks about (or hides) sex in its culturally unique way. Some are hyper-active, while others are hyper-phobic and consider it to be too taboo to discuss. Fortunately for us, we are Christians, we believe the Bible is God’s inspired word, and we can look to it, knowing it transcends all cultural traditions. So what tips does God’s word offer regarding this thing called ‘sex’?
1. Receive sex as a gift from God
I grew up in a dichotomous world. In one setting (church) I never heard the word sex mentioned, in fact, it was considered very offensive by many people. In a second setting (school) I regularly heard vulgar and graphically detailed descriptions of sex acts. We often have this kind of mentality, and inadvertently assume that the “bad” people always talk about sex, so therefore the “good” people should do the exact opposite. Surprisingly, this is not what the Bible teaches. The first command towards the Adam and Eve, involved procreation (which is a fancy name for “having children,” Gen 1:28). God Himself is the creator of sex, as well as our bodies that are perfectly suited for sex. I think some people assume God made Adam and Eve, left them alone, and upon returning was shocked, saying “Whaaat! What are you doing? Adam! Eww! Don’t you put that there!” I apologize for the shock you might be experiencing, however, that is induced by your culture, not the Bible. God speaks of sex hundreds of times, some of them are more subtle (“Adam knew his wife and she conceived” Genesis 4:1), while others are very graphic (particularly the OT passages like Leviticus 15:18, 15:24; try preaching that passage ). In any event, we are to understand that God invented sex, and gave sex as an important and enjoyable gift for a man and his wife, so if you are married and feel weird, or even culturally ashamed of godly sex with your spouse, repent and receive this gift.
2. Run from Satans corrupt version
Certain people have this weird idea (particularly some 2nd and 3rd century monks) that Satan made sex and it is horrid, putrid and vile. This is very far from the truth, sex was created by God, as a gift. However, Satan crept in and defiled it to “make” his own version, as a curse. The Bible is very clear about what constitutes sexual sin, though sometimes because of our thick skulls we don’t get why. In essence participating in a Satanic and corrupted version (any sex outside of marriage) leads to more sin, pain, and sorrow. If you are married, you will ruin your marriage, emotions, life and joy. If you are single by having sex outside of marriage you are violating someone else’s future spouse, your own conscience, and growing your sexual selfishness into a large beast within you. In all cases, you are sinning against God, thereby hurting Christ, sinning against your future spouse, hurting her/him, and sinning against yourself, causing present and future pain. Besides the possibility of immediate physical sickness, there is a certainty of emotional hurt. The Scripture restricts sex to married couples because sex is more than a physical act, it is a spiritual union of complete acceptance, it is a “one flesh” relationship. Knowing the depth of human sexuality and marriage, God restricts it for your own good. Satan, on the other hand, “opens” it up to hurt you. An example using diet instead of sex is: God restricts your diet to that which is healthy, then Satan feeds you everything, including junk food with cancer causing preservatives. Ultimately, God says there is a right time and right place to “awaken love” (Song of Solomon 2:7 ), Satan says anytime, anywhere is good.
3. Remember your body is not yours
Often young people (guys especially) come in to marriage thinking that 95% of the woman’s purpose is to satisfy the man’s sexual drive. (The other 5% has to do with making sandwiches). Some women, in contrast, think it’s all about hand holding and satisfying the feminine, romance novel induced, fantasy of ethereal romance. Generally, both men and women come into marriage thinking its mainly about being personally fulfilled. Apostle Paul, talking candidly about sexual relations, says the opposite is true. Within marriage the husband “owes” the wife his affection and her satisfaction, and the wife “owes” the husband. (1 Cor 7:3-5). Paul continues by saying that husbands/wives don’t have authority their own body, but it is to be given over to the other spouse. Thus a Christian marriage is one where each spouse primarily wants to satisfy the other, not themself. Therefore, and this applies to both women and men, “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a ‘limited time’ so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer.” (1 Cor 7:5 NLT)
4. Enjoy your spouse and be satisfied in them (alone)
Marriage is not created to selfishly receive personal satisfaction, but to selflessly give it to your spouse. Yet, that doesn’t mean there is no satisfaction in it for you. On the contrary, when a husband is focused on loving and caring for his wife, it is the easiest be loved and cared back, and vice versa. There is much joy, happiness, emotional or romantic fulfillment, and yes, sexual satisfaction in a godly and selfless marriage. All according to Scripture of course. The Bible says “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love” (Proverbs 5:18-19). Sometimes men get so involved in the stress of work, business, hobbies, or even ministry, that they ‘forget’ how to be satisfied in their wife. By doing this, they are literally disobeying the Biblical command to “ALWAYS be enraptured with [your wifes] love.” And likewise, women too stumble, ‘forgetting’ to satisfy (and be satisfied by) her husband due to all the distractions, chores, hobbies, or even children. According to the Bible, husbands and wives must reprioritize to include romantic and sexual satisfaction in each other. Again, this may seem shockingly strange in some Christian cultures, yet this is the Word of the Most High, God of gods, King of kings, Lord of lords. He who spoke the earth into existence, also spoke and said to husbands “let her breasts satisfy you at all times.” It is so important, that God had to write it into the same Bible in which He revealed the plan of Salvation through Christ.
Now go love your spouse (or get married). You are welcome.