4 Ways Boys Become Men

boys to men
There is a shortage of men. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16). Whatever way you slice and dice it, there is a dangerous deficit of good men. Nations, churches, employers, and women are looking for good men and cannot find enough. At the same time, there is also a huge surplus of very large sized boys. It has been reported that many of these abnormally sized boys appear to be men upon first inspection, but under closer scrutiny exhibit only boyish characteristics. Psychologists have on numerous occasions classified these jumbo boys as having “role confusion, emotional turmoil and identity conflict”(17). This is something I can relate to quite well, for you see, I too was once a 14 year old boy in a man’s body.

1. Get a real job

There is no way around this, you will need a real job. Now I foresee a dissertation of excuses and comebacks quickly forming in your mind, and I would say that if you were as good with job seeking as you were with excuses, you might be employed now. I was really good at excuses too. When I was 21 I graduated with a degree in Nuclear Medicine Technology, and the job market turned out to be completely dead. I sent in about a hundred applications with no responses, and tried a few people calls to no avail. Once this career I was working towards failed I simply gave up and took a lackluster part time job with little responsibility. I could have found full time job with responsibility I didn’t want and worked hard at it, but all said and done, I was lazy and liked to sleep in. In the garden of Eden God gave Adam a job (Gen 1:28), though He didn’t make Adam a slave (God showed a pattern of work and rest, starting from Himself). That was the first thing God commanded the first man. You and I are a bit later on the family tree,  but that command still applies.

2. Learn from real men

You can either learn or leech from your dad. You can probably even pretend you are learning while leeching. Some boys grow up with fathers who are grand examples of Godly masculinity. And for this reason, because their fathers are sacrificial and take on some of the sons responsibility, the son leeches instead of learning. (I was probably be closer to this group than any other.) Still other boys grow up with a terrible father who only teaches them one lesson, what not to be. This causes the son to desire to be anything other than like his dad, and so he is lost, without a man to leech or learn from. And still other boys grow up without a father at all. They have no one close to model manhood, so these boys often leech off of anyone they can and learn from no one at all, or from terrible role models. Yet in all groups, young men can find someone to learn from. There are many Godly men living now, and throughout history, that you can read and learn about. Make it your job to learn about manhood from real men, not from whiny boys on teenage TV, drunk frat brothers, or action heroes that have less spoken lines than a parrot. And of course, the manliest man was Jesus, who took on much responsibility and treats His bride well.

3. Take on real responsibility

One of the biggest things that marks the moment a boy becomes a man is responsibility. Once you begin to take responsibilities upon your own shoulders, and can be trusted to follow through on those, that begins to mark a very serious ascent into maturity and manhood. Boys need oversight from their fathers and mothers. Men are trustworthy enough to handle things on their own. Not out of some childish desire to prove that you can “do it myself!!” but out of the understanding that it’s your obligation and others depend on you. You may not have special skills, everyone is gifted differently, but you need to manage your life and handle responsibility. If you don’t know something, learn it or delegate it, because it’s on your shoulders to figure it out. Manhood means you are to take on responsibility so take on more of it. Go to your church and ask your pastor how you can serve, take on that responsibility, and do it darn well. Through this learn to be trustworthy and dependable. That is what a man does.

4. Treat ladies like a real man

There is a stupid cultural joke that becoming a man involves sex and a naked women. That is partly why there is a bunch of abusive idiot children who can’t keep their pants up and think that they are men. To be a man means you can be trusted. These boys can’t be trusted with their own zipper. Any man who regularly and willingly demeans women into sex objects is a really a child, and a shabby one at that. He cares for his selfish hormones more than he cares about the safety and wellbeing of women around him. Like baby who cannot contain itself and needs a diaper, he too cannot contain his crude sexual urges. Instead of growing up, romancing and loving one woman with all of his heart, he dumbs down his brain to function solely on apelike sexual urges, and leaves a trail of hurt, abused, broken women in his wake. A real man always does what is best for the woman. A jumbo boy does what’s best for himself. A real man is a brother to all women and a lover to one. A jumbo boy is a brother to none, and an abuser to all. A real man protects women, a jumbo child-man preys on women. A real man treats women like Jesus, he is kind and does good to them. A jumbo boy treats them like Satan, he manipulates and uses them for his own agenda.

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5 responses

  1. This past week, I attended a youth night at at a neighboring church, and the topic was “how to be a real man.” The youth pastor announced this was going to be an ongoing lecture series in that church. Apparently churches everywhere are starting to realize there is a deficit of “real men.”

    The christian “men” in my circle of acquaintances, are in their mid to late 20’s, yet barely have jobs, live at home – with their parents taking care of them, have little or no responsibility, and give up on college and education because it’s “too hard.”

    Many of the young men have become spiritually weak and barely attend church. We had a church meeting not long ago, where the elders and other church members expressed concern over the drug, alcohol & porn & behavior problems that they are finding among the young men in our church.

    The number of young eligible men in my church is quickly dwindling down, there are probably 20 single girls to 1 guy. Many of the girls are becoming kinda bitter, desperate and actually try to sabotage other girls over a guy. All of this is depressing and frustrating! What’s a single girl to do?!!? :(

    (btw, we are a slavic church with 1,000 members. 2,000 people if you count children)

    • Tanechka, this is happening in most churches-big and small. I’ve only been to Pentecostal churches but there is usually 10 girls to 1 guy in all these churches. And past 25 there are usually no single men. Most guys this year are engaged or almost engage who are in their 20’s. This causes the girls at the churches I know(mainly the 15-19 year olds) to do everything to get attention of the few single guys. Like 20 girls, some super young flirting, and trying to get attention by getting hair done, makeup done, and wearing some skimpy tight short skirts. I also know many 30 year old Slavic women not married that basically are clinging to hope that they might get married soon but there’s no guys left their age that are single that go to church. So they basically focus on careers instead. Most youth groups also have very few guys attending because they say it’s not fun, too much work, they don’t want to stop sinning, they have to do this or that, etc. Heck, I don’t know where all the guys are hiding. Maybe they are afraid of a stempede of women barreling towards them forcing them into marriage. Sometimes when a new guy comes to church there is seriously like a line of 25 women wanting to know if he’s married and how much he earns, etc. This is why I think some guys don’t want to go to a new church or hide out. But there’s other reasons too as to why guys don’t go to church. I could count at least 10+ guys at some churches that attend almost never. If they did attend it would even numbers out. But they don’t.

      -By the way I am single by choice so my comments are just based on what I observed as I have heard both view points from girls fighting over a guy at church to guys that won’t go. It’s a crazy Slavic marriage market out there.

      • Roza, tell me about it!

        I enjoy coming to church…but lately it’s been making me feel stressed an anxious. There i sooo much pressure in the Slavic community to get married as soon as possible. They look on you as a freak if you’re not married by 21.

        Every time I’m at church services or socializing with our church community the topics are always about getting you married, or “why aren’t u married” or “it’s going to be your turn this year.” or “why are you so picky!” I’ve had girls break down crying in front of me saying they’ll marry just anybody, so that their parents and relatives would stop pressuring them!

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