7 Reasons not to trust biblical scholars

I have recently been reviewing some literature by many biblical scholars, the men who imprudently think they can rely on the foolishness of carnal philosophy, and I realized that so many of us are prone to get very easily deceived by these men with big heads and big books. Here are some reminders of why you must keep yourself and your family safe from the majority of these bibliofascists.

1. They read words penned by human hands, we just read God’s dictated words

When these self-deluded biblical scholars read the text, they read it like a historical document, they are picking at things like the way the words are ordered, the type of language structure that is used, the historical and grammatical context, and other foolish fleshly logical approaches. Instead, we need to reject such carnal methods, and just read the bible the way it sounds. Just read it, claim it, and believe it. Amen!

2. They listen to foolish philosophy, we listen to God himself

These hardhearted men read the text through their own logic and foolish philosophy. They actually use their faulty theological systems and mental processes to interpret and frame the words. Instead, we simply listen to God speaking to us. We, on the other hand don’t interpret and think, we just listen and obey. Remember, biblical scholars rely on their brains to understand the bible, and we just listen directly to God. Who do you want to trust? Biblical scholars who tell you what the text says, or God himself?

3. They translate the texts using grammar, we let the spirit do the translation

It is said that the only reason we understand anything in the Bible is because these biblical scholars have translated the text from the ancient Hebrew language and the koine Greek. Some have even preposterously postulated that without biblical scholars using their brains to translate, we would not know what the bible says, and that this didn’t happen until a few hundred years ago. This is simply ridiculous, it is undeniable that the Bible is open to all and known by all. Do these scholars really expect us to believe that for the first 1500 years of Christian history people didn’t read or know what was contained in the biblical texts? Sheer lunacy!

4. They are all shameless liberals, so we know their views don’t matter anyway

It is evident to anyone with a brain that biblical scholars are generally lazy snobs who are ferocious liberals. It is certain that they are just writing books about the Bible because they want to argue for their liberal left-wing agendas. These liberal schemas were imposed on them in the most prestigious, and thereby liberal, and thereby wrong, colleges of the world. Places like Harvard, Yale, and Princeton are completely wrong because they are liberal, this is so certain we mustn’t waste paper to prove it.

5. Biblical scholars have presuppositions, we don’t, we just listen to God

Another aspect that shows the complete depravity of most biblical scholars is the undeniable fact that they alone have many presuppositions. When we read the Bible, we do so with a clean slate, never ever presupposing we know what the text should say or does say. We never even imagine or think that certain disputed texts just happen to fit perfectly with the distinctives of our denomination.  Biblical scholars on the other hand, always start off presupposing many silly things, that is why they keep switching positions. When someone has no presuppositions, that person is stable and never changes his mind, ever. Those who keep evolving are obviously spiritually unhealthy and keep shifting their presuppositions just like they will be shifted in the furnace of hell.

6. They’re just acting out of anger, but we never get emotional

There is undeniable proof that every single biblical scholar that presents views contrary to those held by all normal people, like ourselves, is mentally unstable. Most likely they were abused as children and are now very angry at the church. That is the reason they write such malicious “studies.” It has nothing to do with the academic dialogue about the text, but only their helplessly aggravated emotional state. We should feel pity for them, really. On the other hand, we never argue from emotion, but with our nonchalant spiritual acuteness, we wage war against their voracious heresies.

7. They never go door to door evangelizing, but we do

Have you ever heard of a biblical scholar go preaching door to door and saving souls? I haven’t either. All they do is sit in their ivory towers and craft lengthy tirades that no one cares about. Is there any reason why we should care about the historiographical analysis of papyrus p52? Will that save anyone? No, if it doesn’t, it’s completely useless and we do well to completely ignore it. We must reject the study of anything that doesn’t directly culminate in the salvation of souls.

So there you have it, since it is officially ‘Aprils Fool’s day’ I thought it would be best to write about the most imbecilic of fools, biblical scholars who try to tell us something different than we already know.

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2 responses

  1. As the west coasts foremost bible scholar I can relate to all of the points above , especially the one about sitting up in a tower looking down on everyone else .

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