Friends I have something to confess. I did something really terrible, sinful, and wicked. I am not sure that you can call me a Christian anymore. I can’t really believe that I was so blind to this. I am not even sure if I can ever be forgiven. I think I am going to hell now. There can be no other answer. There is no more hope for me.
I honestly never wanted to go to hell. It’s far too hot for me. I mean, Florida heat was already too much for me. During my honeymoon there, I nearly passed out a few times from the intense heat. I think hell is even hotter than Florida, so I definitely don’t want to go there. But I don’t think I have a choice now. What a sad day.
It all started out when I opened my Facebook. Everything bad happens because of Facebook (I even heard a preacher say that. I should have listened.) Anyways, as I was scrolling down an endless list of self-promoting, narcissistic photos and comments, I came upon my damnation. I wish I had stopped scrolling just a few seconds before and turned it off. Then I could have kept my eternal soul safe from the perils of hellfire. Alas, I did not.
I came upon a picture that would forever seal my fate. You can see it below. I ignored its truth. And I kept scrolling. Woe is me. Why did I keep scrolling?!?! Now I warn you, do not go astray like I did. If you ever see it, you MUST click like, or else we will share a cell in the lake of fire. Woe, woe, woe.
But seriously, this grotesque Pelagian oversimplification of the Christian faith pisses me off. It clouds the beauty of the Gospel, hides the reality of sin and our need for justification and propitiation, and obscures deep Gospel truths in a shroud of mythological stupidity. Please never ever post these types of things. And if you do, please unfriend me, and while you are at it, everybody else on the internet.
If you want to know why this is stupid, read this: Tacky Christian (Chain) Messages