Do christians prefer virgins?

Question:

I’m confused, does Lord forgive the women who’ve been with someone before? and then grace them with virgine husbands?

Answer:

Your question betrays a very strange view of the Gospel and the Bible. This view is not strange in that very few people hold it, for indeed it is very popular among many religious people. Its strange because if this is true, then the whole Gospel is lost and all Christ came to do is in vain.

I almost wanted to avoid answering this question because it’s so obvious and simple, however, since this really is a popular (and stupid) belief I feel I need to shortly address it. The idea behind your question is this: sexual sin makes one so impure that even if repentance is possible, that person is worth so much less he/she cannot marry a virgin who is worth so much more.

First off, just because I will be advocating full forgiveness, does not mean I am advocating people to sin in the future without consequences. The primary rebuttal towards this will be “so I can go sin as much as I like and come back to marry a saintly spouse?! What?” However, if you hear that God forgives sin, and the first thought you have is “I can sin all I want” then you betray your heart still longs and lusts after sin, not after Christ. The whole Bible is filled with teaching on full forgiveness for all sins and that doesn’t make people into sinners but into saints.

A popular concept is that if you stop dealing harshly with those who have committed sexual sin it will incite more people to do it. That is the dumbest idea ever! Are you saying that unless someone threatens me with punishment I will go and sleep with someone other than my wife?? So the only thing keeping me together with her is my fear of punishment? Not my love for her or my desire to please her? So then every pastor and godly man who loves his wife is only being faithful to her because the punishment is too high? That is naïve and stupid!

ALL HUMANS ARE SINFUL

First problem, people who think sexual sin is so terrible that one who sins cannot marry a virgin show they know nothing of the Bible, God, or Grace. The first rule in Scripture that we need to understand is that all men have fallen (Rom 3:23 ), and there is none righteous (Rom 10:18). There is no one at all that can claim to be perfectly Good, no one except Jesus Christ. To claim you have your own perfect Goodness and the perfect and personal authority to judge another is to claim you are equal to God, which is blasphemy and a far worse sin than anything the other person may have committed!

You cannot have the Gospel without the fact that all of us are pitiful, wretched, sinners.

You cannot have the Gospel without the fact that all of us are under God’s righteous judgment.

The prostitute is guilty of her sin, yet you are equally guilty before God for your personal sins. The prostitute stands before God and is under judgment, destined for hell, yet you are being sentenced to the same hell for the same amount of time for the same reason, sin! How then can you or I stand up and point at someone, claim their sin is greater, and not burn in the very fires of hell?!

Scripture says “Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another” (Rom 14:4) and this should firmly disallow us to proclaim someone as worse than us. While we are also called to judge things with righteous judgment (John 7:24), this means not comparing someone to yourself, but expound to them what Scripture says and in love explain that the Scripture judges their sin as it also judges your sin.

The truth is those same people who lift a finger to accuse are themselves accused by the justice of God, and can only be pardoned by the Grace of God.

IS SEXUAL SIN FORGIVEN THE SAME WAY?

 “Im confused does the Lord forgive”

Yes! that’s the whole point of the Gospel, the Lord Jesus died on a cross in order to forgive! All sin and any sin. You will not find anything in the Scriptures that say some sins cannot be forgiven, or that some things are so wicked the church should excommunicate the offenders permanently. While some early church fathers, such as Tertullian, believed this, and today some pastors may think this… Jesus does not.

Jesus came across a woman who was “caught in the act of adultery” and drove away a religious crowd who wanted to punish her. Jesus said He did not condemn her, instead forgave her and told her to go and sin no more. (John 8:10-11) Jesus did not set up rules or penance. Jesus did not assign her a period of punishment. Jesus did not tell her will be worth less. Jesus did not tell her she is unclean and cannot marry a virgin. Jesus did not say it would be harder for her to be forgiven. Jesus said “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

“Women who’ve been with someone before”

God is not sexist, of course He forgives women. God is not impartial, of course he forgives all types of sin. (The only sin that is not forgiven is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, which we see in example as rejecting the work of the Holy Spirit, including His desire to open our hearts to Christ, as the work of the devil. And this cannot be forgiven because it is the very thing that causes us to seek forgiveness, rejecting the Holy Spirit, we cannot trust Christ. See more on this here.)

First off, we see plenty of times that God forgives women as well as men. Second, God forgives for sexual sin just as much as all other sins. Third, the only sin that is hard to forgive is actually religiosity because religious people think they don’t have any sin. And if fact, prostitutes enter the kingdom of heaven before religious people. Jesus said it: “Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you.” (Mathew 21:31). Fourth if you consider a virgin someone who hasn’t broken the law of Mat 5:28, then tell me, can you truly find a virgin?

CAN GOD GRACE A NON-VIRGIN WITH A VIRGIN?

Are not-virgins deserving of the same amount of Grace?

It was asked if God can “then grace them” sinners with a virgin. To be honest this angers me, questioning if God can give Grace to a sinner? Why do you think you are not in hell??? Because God graced you, a sinner!

Let me ask you a question, if God can and does Grace sinful evil people with the most clean and perfect thing in the universe, Himself, how or why should he not Grace them with another sinful person?? Think about it, the Holy Spirit, who is God, who is Holy, blameless, perfect, lives inside us. God gave us this grace, that those who were sinful and wicked have an intimate and personal relationship with a Holy God.

Now tell me why in the world would one sinner consider another sinner to be to too defiled to have an intimate and personal relationship with? Why would one sinner consider that another is worth less???

Yes the Holy Spirit does not live in unsaved sinners who love sin, and a Christian should never marry an unchristian (2 Cor 6:14 and see link) Yet amongst those who have been forgiven, God did not think it shameful for His Holy Spirit to be intimate with you. How dare you! How dare you think that you are too holy for another repentant sinner?! How dare you think you are better?! How dare you think you are worth more?!

If not the blood of Christ, you pitiful wretch would be damned and cast into the very depths of hell!!

Did you know that God often calls sinners like you and me an adulterous whore who left her husband? That is one of the most popular types or allegories by which God explains our sinfulness to us. Hosea married a prostitute who ran away and seduced other men, she belligerently and vigorously sinned. And you know what? God said that she represents you and me! He showed us how bad we were!

And yet. He. Still. Loves. And. Accepts. Me. And. You.!!!

Don’t you get it?

In the eyes of God, that prostitute, that “non virgin” woman you are looking down on…… is… you!

The answer to your question is a big emphatic yes! Yes, God can and does allow virgins and non-virgins to marry.  Before you look down upon another, or consider someone worth less, remember God is marrying a church who was a spiritual harlot. He is marrying a church that was wicked and sinful and adulterous. He is marrying a church that is comprised of spiritual nonvirgins, among whom you are numbered.

 Should a virgin and non-virgin be married?

First, when it comes to a real life situation there are things to consider and human issues that may need to be work out. Ultimately only you personally can come to that decision, as God leads your heart. As any other decision especially pertaining to marriage, should be considered with much prayer and council from God. There are times when the backgrounds of two people are sufficiently different to make such a marriage inadvisable. There is the likelihood that some days it will be a harder marriage to work through, where one spouse will feel jealousy and contempt and the other may be involved in making comparisons between former lovers. As with all issues where humans are involved, there is the possibility of sin, however, if you put two perfect virgins together, you will notice there is still the problem of sin. Only Jesus cures sin, not “virginity.

Yet the truth is, if Christ is inside your heart, mind, and life, you are being made a different person. If the Holy Spirit is working in you, He will not fail. If both spouses are repentant and trust Jesus, it will work and it will be a blessed marriage. All people are sinners, and none are perfect. In any marriage you put together two sinners who are, by Gods Grace, working towards living a life that is pleasing to God.

If two “perfect virgins” marry each other and Christ is not their all in all, their marriage will crumble like an old dried leaf.

If two of the worst sinners marry each other and trust Christ completely, He will bless their marriage more than you can imagine.

6 responses

  1. I enjoy how you completely left out the fact that marriage is actually a bond. That this bond is also spiritual, which you might not agree on, but it is. The fact still remains that when a person has sexual intercourse for the first time, they are inevitably bonded spiritually to that person. So when marriage comes around and a woman or man for that matter has been with many partners, when they come together it is no longer “one flesh” as written in Mark 10:7-8 but many because of all the other people involved as well.

    • 1. Why do you enjoy it?

      2. I have a blog post specifically devoted to discussing the issue you present: http://ask.yuriyandinna.com/2011/09/28/marry-premarital-sex-partner/

      3. What about in cases or rape? Are you saying a woman who has been raped can never experience true marital intimacy that is exclusive to her husband? No doubt sexual abuse leaves many scars and fears, but by the Grace of God, they can be slowly healed.

      4. You argument also applies to marrying a widow, which is normal, allowable, even encouraged by the Bible. I think this really weakens any point you would try to make.

    • Anonymous, you are totally off on the “when you have sex with someone, you give part of your soul to them or you are binded to them”. If that is the case, how do you explain King Solomon, Abraham who slept with saras maid. And hundreds of other examples where the “soul was divided”. I mean did everyone in the old testament have like 1/10 of their soul left? That makes no sense.

  2. WE are all sinners. I agree with you. No one better than other. People never gonna forgive your mistakes in past. Only God can. If you was with somebody before they will remember this forever. Thanks God, who forgives us!

  3. To Anonymous…. “The fact still remains that when a person has sexual intercourse for the first time, they are inevitably bonded spiritually to that person.” How does that work when a woman was molested and raped in her childhood?? And she lost her virginity to someone else’s sin? Later she marries a virgin husband and he finds out she’s not a virgin.. and even thou he understands why she is the way she is, he still feels that it’s not fair to him that he didn’t get a “virgin” wife even thou he was saving himself for the girl he was going to marry.. She is a victim, she has lost something that can never be given back to her and it affected her whole life and her husband was affected by not getting what he believed he deserved for being pure before God.. how does that work according to the bible? How is God looking at those kind of situations?

  4. SOOOOO beautiful and well explained! “God did not think it shameful for His Holy Spirit to be intimate with you. ” this line really touched me….. wow..
    God bless keep up the amazing work!

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