How can a girl make a guy take things slow?

Question:

“How to stop a guy from making moves that are meant to seduce my body and look at my heart –my virtues. I want to preserve my purity, but I do not want to offend this guy that I like. How can  girl make a guy take things slow?? HELP PLEASE!!!!”

 

Answer:

You cannot force someone to change; if he doesn’t see the beauty in you, but only craves your body, you should leave, avoid, and forget about him. This is ultimately a very sad truth, but it is also a very liberating one. Don’t feel that you are the one that is finally accountable for his conduct. At the end of the day you do not answer for his behavior or actions. You need to cast off the burden of being the only one pursuing a right kimd relationship, and once you do that, you can be responsible for yourself and whether you encourage or discourage him.

In the end, both of you need to reorient your thinking, if you are meant for each other, take time to figure things out, eventually get married and then enjoy both sexual and romantic love. However, if he doesn’t care about the whole person that you are, but only wants to have sex with you, I think that is one of the strongest reasons why you should leave him. If asking him to keep his paws of you would be offensive, delete his number and never talk to him again. He sounds like a young kid possessed by his hormones, not a good husband-to-be. If he isn’t willing to love, care, and protect you, both body and heart, don’t let his post-puberty rush into your heart.

 

SEXUALITY IS NORMAL

First off, sexuality is normal. Not all guys are the same, but according to the Kinsey Report (Sexual Behavior in the Human Male), 54 percent of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43 percent a few times a week or a few times a month, and 4 percent less than once a month. Guys are sexual and visual creatures; this is not sick, evil, or perverted on its own, but “a good thing with the wrong intention, becomes a bad thing.” Sexuality is a God given gift, sexual attraction is normal and right…. In the right circumstances, with the right person (your spouse). The Bible says God “made them male and female” (Gen 5:2). The Creator designed our (male/female) bodies, our (sexual/emotional) desires, and at the end of the day called it all “good.” Later Satan crept in, perverted some aspects of sexuality by leading men and women to lust after partners other than their spouse. Sexual desire is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact if a young man did not have emotional and sexual desire for his bride, he ought to reconsider marriage. Unfortunately, in the past Christians covered all of sexuality with a big blanket of guilt, and the only way church kids could think of sex, was in sinful terms. Today many still associate everything sexual as “fleshly” or “carnal” and everything emotional as “virtuous.” This is not the case at all. Instead sexuality within marriage is godly, and emotional attraction (for a married person) outside of his/her marriage is a grave sin (emotional adultery). So your next step is to understand if he is a normal or a pervert.

 

REJECT THE PERVERTS

While it is biologically normal for people to have sexual desire, this does not give anyone excuse to follow their urges with no discretion and control. If a spouses desire each other, that is good; if spouses desire every other person, bad. There is a limit.

One of these limits the Bible sets is that those who are not married are not to share in the sacred covenant binding ceremony for marriage, sex. If there is a guy who desires you sexually, it could be normal, if he wants to marry you and then you can enjoy each other. On the other hand, if he doesn’t care about making a lifelong commitment with you but only to use you, run. Don’t try to change him or convert him, instead leave him. If he can only think as far as having sex with you, he is not thinking about your best interest. That is exactly how you ought to make the decision:

 

Either:

 Accept with caution:

If he desires you, but based on what he says he is serious about getting married, being a good Christian, husband, and friend, you can possibly get to know him/date him. And by “based on what he says” I don’t mean if he says a few soothing words to undress you, I mean if he can keep his pants zipped.

 

Reject with extreme prejudice:

If the only thing he wants to do is sneak his hand up your skirt, leave. If all he wants is sex, leave. If he doesn’t care about “your heart” and who you are as a person, leave. If he isn’t willing to marry you first, leave. Don’t ever look back.

 

 

TO DO LIST

1. Talk to him to find out his intentions

Don’t be afraid to talk to him seriously, if he hasn’t yet exposed himself to be a romance-reject as shown above, ask him some tough questions when he tries to “make a move on you.” Ask him what his plan is. If he doesn’t have one, leave him. If his plan is to love and marry you, ask him to do just that, and not take you before you are his. If he refuses, leave.

2. Don’t tempt him

If he is serious and desires to date you and marry you, don’t encourage him to sin. He is probably already having a hard time so help him by avoiding sexy situations and provocative encounters. Don’t invite him to a secluded room while wearing a sexy dress and giving him a sly grin. As a guy I thought that it obvious that certain things girls do and wear are exceptional at sexually arousing guys, but conversations with girls have taught me otherwise.

3. Redirect sexual urges

Once both of you are on the path towards marriage, you will no doubt both desire each other sexually. This is quite normal, yet before you have made your marriage vows, this is sinful. When this happens, find ways and places to redirect that desire. What me and my wife did included a lot of dates out in public places. We would go out to fairs and carnivals and the like. We would discuss theology. Just do something, don’t simply sit there and talk about how much you crave each other.

 

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